Table Manners Basics

Dining Guide

A quick reference to revisit what you learned, situation by situation.

Table Setting

Where the cutlery, glasses and napkin go, and the order you use them in — the basics of reading the table in front of you.

Reading a Place Setting — A full-course setting is a map of the meal, laid out in the order the courses arrive. Here’s what each piece is and where to find it.
Using Cutlery From the Outside In — Cutlery is laid out in course order, from the outside in. Take the outermost pair with each course and you’ll never be unsure, however many courses there are.
Holding Your Knife and Fork — Fork in the left hand, knife in the right, index fingers along the backs. You’ll cut with less effort and your movements stay small and neat.
Where the Glasses Go — Glasses sit at the upper right, above the knives. The water glass directly above the knife anchors the group, and the wine glasses follow to its right in order of use.
How to Hold a Wine Glass — Hold a stemmed glass by its stem. Your hand won’t warm the wine, and the bowl stays free of fingerprints.
Using Your Napkin — Fold your napkin in half on your lap and use it freely. Where you leave it tells the staff whether you’re coming back.

Seating & Posture

Taking your seat, seats of honor, posture and where to put your bag — how to carry yourself before the first course arrives.

Taking Your Seat — Enter from the left of your chair and sit as the staff eases it in. Once seated, leave one or two fists’ width between you and the table.
Posture at the Table — Sit up straight and bring the food to your mouth. While you’re eating, keep your elbows off the table.
Where to Put Your Bag and Phone — A small bag goes behind your back or at your feet; large bags and coats go to the cloakroom. Put your phone away and keep the table clear.
Seats of Honor and Seating Order — In a private room, the seat farthest from the door is often the seat of honor. As a guest, don’t choose for yourself — wait for the host.

During the Meal

The flow of a course meal, knife-and-fork signals, and how to eat bread, soup, fish, meat and dessert — plus wine and toasts.

The Flow of a Course Meal — A course meal moves from appetizer to dessert in a set order. Knowing what comes next keeps you relaxed and free to focus on the people around you.
Knife and Fork Signals — How you place your knife and fork tells the server whether you’re still eating or finished: an inverted V when you pause, side by side with the handles toward about four o’clock when you’re done.
How to Eat Bread — Don’t bite into your bread. Tear off one bite at a time and enjoy it alongside the meal.
How to Eat Soup — Bring soup to your mouth quietly with the spoon. Never lift the soup plate to drink from it.
How to Eat a Fish Course — Use the fish knife mainly to ease the flesh apart. Eat a whole fish without flipping it: top fillet, remove the backbone, then the bottom fillet. Gather bones and skin at the far side of the plate.
How to Eat a Meat Course — Cut meat one bite at a time from the left end and eat it while it’s warm. Use your knife and fork for bone-in meat, too.
Dessert and Coffee — Use the spoon and fork set above your plate for dessert, and stir your coffee quietly. Then settle in and enjoy the conversation.
Wine and Toasts — Leave your glass on the table while wine is poured. For a toast, raise it to eye level and meet people’s eyes.

When Things Go Wrong

A dropped fork, a bone in your mouth, a spill, a drink you’d rather decline — calm ways to handle awkward moments.

Dropped or Missing Cutlery — If a utensil falls on the floor, leave it and ask the server for a new one. Do the same if something is missing.
Bones and Things You Can’t Eat — If you find a small bone or pit in your mouth, cover your mouth with one hand, remove it with your fork or fingertips and set it on the edge of the plate.
Leaving the Table — If you need to step away, wait for a lull in the conversation, excuse yourself briefly and leave your napkin on your chair.
Declining a Drink — A brief word before it’s poured, or a fingertip resting on the rim of your glass, is all it takes. No explanation is needed.
If You Spill Something — Stay calm, blot with your napkin and quietly ask the staff for help. The less fuss, the better.

Conversation & Thanks

Choosing topics, talking while eating, phones at the table, and the bill and thanks — so everyone enjoys the meal.

Choosing Topics — Choose topics everyone at the table can share, and gently steer away from sensitive ones. Draw quieter guests in, too.
Eating and Talking — The trick is not to eat and talk at the same time. Take small bites, and swallow before you speak.
Phones at the Table — Put your phone away during the meal and give your time to the people in front of you.
The Bill and Saying Thanks — When you’re a guest, leave the bill to the host and thank them in specific words. How a meal ends is how it’s remembered.

Japanese Dining

Holding chopsticks and the habits to avoid, trays and lidded bowls, sashimi, sushi and grilled fish, tatami rooms and kaiseki, pouring and kanpai.

Japanese Meal Tray Layout — Rice at the front left, soup at the front right, side dishes behind. Here's how a traditional Japanese meal tray is arranged, which way the fish faces, and where the chopsticks go.
How to Hold Chopsticks — Pick chopsticks up in three movements and rest them in front of you, tips to the left. Here's how to hold them, use the rest or the paper sleeve, and split disposable ones.
Chopstick Taboos — Laying chopsticks across a bowl, stabbing food, passing food chopstick to chopstick: here are the chopstick taboos (kirai-bashi) to avoid in Japan, and the reasons behind them.
Holding Bowls and Lids — In Japan, small bowls are picked up and brought close to your mouth. Use the bowl or kaishi paper instead of cupping your hand, and set a lid upside down to the right of the tray.
Eating Sushi, Sashimi and Tempura — A little wasabi on sashimi, sushi dipped fish-side down and eaten in one bite, tempura taken from the front. Here's how to enjoy each without breaking it apart.
Eating a Whole Grilled Fish — Start with the top fillet from the head, lift out the backbone instead of turning the fish over, then eat the bottom. Gathering the bones at the back keeps the plate neat.
Tatami Rooms and Seating — Step up into a tatami room facing forward and leave your shoes pointing out. Never step on the cushions, and know that the seat in front of the tokonoma is the seat of honor.
Kaiseki Course Order — A kaiseki dinner usually starts with a small appetizer, moves through soup and grilled dishes, and ends with rice, miso soup and fruit. Here's how it flows, and how to use the oshibori towel.
Pouring and Kanpai — Pour bottled beer label up with both hands, and lift your glass when someone pours for you. Here's how high to hold your glass for kanpai, and how a memorial kenpai differs.

What to Wear

Dress codes and how to read them, what to wear to business dinners, weddings and family meetings, checking a restaurant’s dress code, and tatami-room tips.

Dress Codes Explained — “Black tie,” “cocktail” and “smart casual” on an invitation or a restaurant's website tell you how formal to dress. Here's what each level usually means and what to do when you're unsure.
What to Wear to a Business Dinner — For a business dinner, dress as you would for an important day at work, or one step up. Small details — creases, scuffed shoes, strong scents — stand out across a dinner table.
What to Wear as a Wedding Guest — A wedding guest's outfit should feel celebratory without competing with the couple. Start with the dress code on the invitation, then steer clear of a few colors and styles.
What to Wear to Meet the Family — When two families meet over a meal — such as a Japanese kaoawase before a wedding — the key is that both sides dress at the same level. Talk it over beforehand and dress for the venue.
Checking a Restaurant Dress Code — The most reliable way to learn a restaurant's dress code is its official website or a quick question when you book. Here's how to read the notices, what to ask, and whether you can borrow a jacket.
What to Wear to a Tatami Room — In a Japanese tatami room you take off your shoes and sit low to the floor. Slip-on shoes, clean socks, clothes you can sit in and a light touch with fragrance are what matter most.