Dining Guide / What to Wear
What to Wear to Meet the Family
When two families meet over a meal — such as a Japanese kaoawase before a wedding — the key is that both sides dress at the same level. Talk it over beforehand and dress for the venue.
Key Points
- Aim for both families to dress at a similar level of formality. If one side arrives in formal wear and the other in everyday clothes, everyone can feel awkward.
- The couple can act as go-betweens: find out what each set of parents plans to wear and share it with the other side.
- At a hotel private room or a traditional Japanese restaurant (ryotei), semiformal is common: a suit, or a neat dress or tailored separates. At a casual restaurant, both families can agree on smart casual instead.
- In a suit, agree on whether ties are expected. In a dress, choose something modest and neat.
- In a tatami room you'll take off your shoes and may sit on floor cushions. Choose clothes that are easy to sit in, and clean socks or stockings (see “What to Wear to a Tatami Room”).
- If anyone plans to wear kimono, let the other family know so the levels still match.
Do
- Agree on a level of formality with the other family
- Dress for the venue
- Choose clothes you can sit in on the floor
- Share what each set of parents will wear
Avoid
- One family dressing far more formally than the other
- Arriving without having talked it over
- Short or tight clothes in a tatami room
Handy Tip
Asking “What are you planning to wear?” isn't rude. In Japan it's usually taken as a thoughtful effort to keep both families comfortable.
Customs That Vary
The kaoawase is a common Japanese custom, but its form varies by region and family: some hold a formal betrothal (yuino), others a relaxed restaurant meal, and dress follows suit. Elsewhere, meeting the family is often less formal, but matching your hosts is still kind.
Practice in a Lesson
Sources
- Zexy (Recruit), “What to Wear to a Kaoawase Family Dinner” (in Japanese) — Matching the level of formality between both families and dressing for the venue.
- Kansai Productivity Center, “Seating and Conduct in a Japanese Tatami Room” (in Japanese) — Entering a tatami room and handling cushions and mats.