Your two families are meeting for dinner
Meeting the Families
Before both families meet, as at a Japanese kaoawase: seating, chopsticks, hosting, conversation and thank-yous — plus what to wear and a checklist.
Learn
0 of 5 lessons complete
- Japanese Dining · 6 minTatami Rooms and KaisekiFamily meetings in Japan are often held in a tatami room, where guiding parents to the seat of honor matters.Sign in to unlock
- Japanese Dining · 6 minUsing ChopsticksOlder relatives tend to notice chopstick manners, so it's worth a quick review.Sign in to unlock
- Conversation · 6 minHosting a DinnerAs a couple, you'll usually host — welcoming both families, keeping things moving and seeing everyone off.Sign in to unlock
- Conversation · 6 minChoosing TopicsTo find topics everyone can join, even across languages and generations.Sign in to unlock
- Conversation · 6 minClosing the MealTo close the meal warmly and follow up with thanks to each family.Sign in to unlock
Read beforehand
- Seats of Honor and Seating OrderIn a private room, the seat farthest from the door is often the seat of honor. As a guest, don’t choose for yourself — wait for the host.
- Tatami Rooms and SeatingStep up into a tatami room facing forward and leave your shoes pointing out. Never step on the cushions, and know that the seat in front of the tokonoma is the seat of honor.
- Kaiseki Course OrderA kaiseki dinner usually starts with a small appetizer, moves through soup and grilled dishes, and ends with rice, miso soup and fruit. Here's how it flows, and how to use the oshibori towel.
- Chopstick TaboosLaying chopsticks across a bowl, stabbing food, passing food chopstick to chopstick: here are the chopstick taboos (kirai-bashi) to avoid in Japan, and the reasons behind them.
- Pouring and KanpaiPour bottled beer label up with both hands, and lift your glass when someone pours for you. Here's how high to hold your glass for kanpai, and how a memorial kenpai differs.
- What to Wear to a Tatami RoomIn a Japanese tatami room you take off your shoes and sit low to the floor. Slip-on shoes, clean socks, clothes you can sit in and a light touch with fragrance are what matter most.
Check what to wear
Dress codeSemi-formal
- What matters most is that both families dress at a similar level of formality.
- At a hotel private room or a ryotei, semiformal is common: a suit, or a neat dress or tailored separates.
- In a tatami room you'll remove your shoes and sit on cushions, so choose clothes you can sit in and clean socks.
Outfit check
Find a restaurant
Restaurants for this occasion: 28
View the listPrep checklist
Done 0 of 8
A week before
The day before
Your checks are saved on this device only.